Idependent piece #3 - The Enchanted Forest
We walked for an hour before we stumbled upon our place. It rose up out of the thick forest as unexpecting and benign as possible. The green forest surrounding the castle was cold, but inviting. The trees surrounding the clearing were darkened, years of torture had given way to the gnarled state of age and exhaustion. The morning rain had penetrated the sullen bark making the wood soft and black. The ingrained lines of the tree told of the forest’s maturity and wisdom. It held a secret of the past and it knew the future.
As we progressed forward, through the intertwining vines and branches, we approached the base of the mainstay. The trek up to the castle would be strenuous, but nevertheless we would do it. The hike up to the atrium always gave us the opportunity to dwell on life. The past years have not been easy. Filled with terror and horror, nobody could forget them. They stood today, in the forest, as a reminder to the world that they were still here.
All the mysteries of the world could be answered in the palace. The ornate decorations inspired all those who feast their eyes upon it to withhold authority and to be true. From the outside, the castle had a feeling to it that was indescribable. It had a twisted façade in which showed the strain of age. Even the forest was not safe from the detrimental state of age.
We continued up the stairs, stopping every now and then for a breath. The twisted stairs rose up and down giving way to different dimensions. As we neared the top, we peered out over the edge. Breath taking as it was, we knew better. If you let the forest in, it gets to you. It empties the years of age and horror into you. I’ve seen many a good men loose their life to the beauty of the evergreen trees against the quaint blackness of the distance. It was evil, you have to be aware of the evil.
So on we continued, hopping over rubble every so often. The diminishing structure would be cause for alarm, but it wasn’t. Everything in the forest was misleading, from the animals to the leaves. Spring was winter, and cold was hot. You could die in an instance, or you could live forever. The sole reason we come here everyday, dream about it every night, and yearn for it every second, is because…
With that the castle collapsed and everything in the forest died.
posted by CaitlinL @ 6:46 AM
3 Comments:
Pretty sweet. Not going to lie to you, the piece could do with a minor tweak here and there. I like the bits about the forest but I kinda think you could have done more with it, but I’ve been known to make mistakes from time to time. Also you have a couple little issues with repeating the same idea over and over again in similar ways. Aside from that it’s a pretty solid piece of writing. That said, love the little bit at the end. The castle collapsing is a pretty inspired stroke of genius. I particularly enjoy the expansiveness of it, it seems almost like you were just giving and exert of a much more expansive piece. You might want to think about finishing that piece. It would be pretty cool.
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Critique!
I love the mystery throughout the piece. The allusion of the all-knowing forest and how it ensnares the people who fall pray to it. Some of the statements are repetitive, but I think they help deliberate the power that seems to reside in this forest. I nearly growled when I read:
The sole reason we come here everyday, dream about it every night, and yearn for it every second, is because…
With that the castle collapsed and everything in the forest died.
I’m not good with suspense, and questions, they make me wonder and…think. (Strange I know…) Overall I thought it was a very powerful ending, the idea that this aged forest that had lived through the ages, overseeing everything, and withstanding the abuse during that time, suddenly crumbling. The magic disappearing…
- I’m assuming this is the one I am supposed to be critiquing Caitlin? Sorry about the deleted one... >.<
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